I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
