So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh god it's open bar.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
