I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
