This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
