is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i will never coherently bang her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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