what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
