i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
