"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
