i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
