dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
