problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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