We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
