Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
