this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
