end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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