We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I forget how to act sober
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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