Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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