I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
