So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize