i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
