He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
