And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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