Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
