No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
