i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
