I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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