So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
