I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
