I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
