I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
