Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You were trust falling into bushes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
