"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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