You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
