You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
