I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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