u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
