no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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