she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
