We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
