Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
