does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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