Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize