I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
