Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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