By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
