Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
