that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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