Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
