when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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