I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize