We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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