I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He passed out mid-signature
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
