dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
