I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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