I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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