my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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