Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
