I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
