Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize