considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
