Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
PANTIES FOUND
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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