So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
