I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
