Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
