She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
