Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
