do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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