Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
