I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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