I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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