ugly people sure do ruin things
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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