sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
