Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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