I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
