I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
