i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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