I wish life had little blips of pornography
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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