Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sarcasm needs its own font
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize